Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
