did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
