this boner is exhausting
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
