Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
