I think i peed on brittanys purse
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
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