home. puking in laundry basket.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
