I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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