You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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