how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
