The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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