I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
