The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
