I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
