Where did you get a picture of my penis
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
