More tranny stories later!
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
