I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
