its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
