No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
