Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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