Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
