Where are you?
In a non slutty way
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
