You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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