You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
