their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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