he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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