she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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