Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
