Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
