The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
