just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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