I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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