So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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