so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
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It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
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I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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