the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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