somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
sarcasm needs its own font
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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