1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The adults are the big ones right?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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