You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
