I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...