I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
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Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.