so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
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I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
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Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation