Texts From Last Night

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  (512): View more from Texas

  3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear

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  (512) 3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear http://tfl.nu/ahne
  Replies (4) Good night (1718) Bad night (2300)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.

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  (301): you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens. http://tfl.nu/fm3u
  Replies (10) Good night (1021) Bad night (3324)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.

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  (410): She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY. http://tfl.nu/v8u7
  Replies (85) Good night (1340) Bad night (12791)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.

  (1-208): View more from Idaho

  did we at least go back and get it?

  (208): View more from Idaho

  how else do you think we got jack in the box...?

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  (208): you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too. (1-208): did we at least go back and get it? (208): how else do you think we got jack in the box...? http://tfl.nu/t8wq
  Replies (21) Good night (6634) Bad night (1047)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.

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  (502): there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me. http://tfl.nu/l22j
  Replies (11) Good night (4973) Bad night (1288)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.

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  (440): my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement. http://tfl.nu/zd8a
  Replies (16) Good night (5866) Bad night (1699)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl

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  (717): I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl http://tfl.nu/17il
  Replies (4) Good night (3083) Bad night (841)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood

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  (440): Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood http://tfl.nu/t6a5
  Replies (13) Good night (1186) Bad night (3911)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely

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  (937): All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely http://tfl.nu/gogl
  Replies (4) Good night (3184) Bad night (701)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen

  (845): View more from New York

  That would be so convenient

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  (845): Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen (845): That would be so convenient http://tfl.nu/c28s
  Replies (12) Good night (3159) Bad night (1093)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.

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  (773): Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth. http://tfl.nu/gnm7
  Replies (3) Good night (1913) Bad night (810)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.

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  (231): Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess. http://tfl.nu/xzef
  Replies (2) Good night (1203) Bad night (579)
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  (716): View more from New York

  I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly

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  (716): I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly http://tfl.nu/23d8
  Replies (1) Good night (610) Bad night (1152)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.

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  (306): We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned. http://tfl.nu/jttg
  Replies (1) Good night (633) Bad night (387)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.

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  (609): I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is. http://tfl.nu/eqk8
  Replies (1) Good night (713) Bad night (649)

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