Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.