My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.