you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
