I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
