Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks

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  (586): There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks http://tfl.nu/aadi
  Replies (16) Good night (2944) Bad night (727)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.

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  (313): i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small. http://tfl.nu/i072
  Replies (47) Good night (4285) Bad night (1027)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts

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  (214): I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts http://tfl.nu/860y
  Replies (20) Good night (3002) Bad night (585)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition

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  (352): im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition http://tfl.nu/5ifl
  Replies (18) Good night (945) Bad night (5185)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.

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  (817): New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft. http://tfl.nu/mqah
  Replies (13) Good night (4476) Bad night (1048)
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  (310): View more from California

  she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex

  (1-310): View more from California

  wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh

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  (310): she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex (1-310): wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh http://tfl.nu/mhlr
  Replies (17) Good night (1094) Bad night (4203)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.

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  (402): I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise. http://tfl.nu/i6qg
  Replies (6) Good night (3291) Bad night (928)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."

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  (207): She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge." http://tfl.nu/7x8q
  Replies (26) Good night (4256) Bad night (991)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.

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  (361): Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am. http://tfl.nu/g88o
  Replies (1) Good night (1210) Bad night (2254)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?

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  (937): I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality? http://tfl.nu/z0do
  Replies (11) Good night (2774) Bad night (825)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser

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  (201): surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser http://tfl.nu/4p89
  Replies (5) Good night (469) Bad night (1010)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...

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  (602): This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today... http://tfl.nu/mxzm
  Replies (3) Good night (1404) Bad night (498)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car

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  (201): I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car http://tfl.nu/h2al
  Replies (11) Good night (503) Bad night (332)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry

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  (503): I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry http://tfl.nu/xdrm
  Replies (2) Good night (312) Bad night (553)
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  (212): View more from New York

  Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?

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  (212): Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows? http://tfl.nu/t64o
  Replies (8) Good night (495) Bad night (223)

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