If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
