Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
