I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
