not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
