Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
