We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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