I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
