he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Randomize
