And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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