i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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