are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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