So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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