so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
