I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
