Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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