Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
That accounts for only three of the penises
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
