he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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