awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
