Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
