y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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