Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
