Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
