have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
