if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You don't make any sense
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I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize