Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
