ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
