New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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