Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
