Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
