i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
