I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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