so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
