And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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