We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
