I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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