Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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