I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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