he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
