The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
