i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
