i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
