Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Please don't give away my fajitas
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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