also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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