the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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