im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
