Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
