True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
