using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
