This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
