my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
