Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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